Oldies but goodies

I sold a lady three pairs of shoes the other day because, as she put it, "Our economy's shot to shit anyhow, what's the use of saving?!"

Indeed.

Great for my commission that day, bad for my spirit. Ah, life.

I was going through my diary from a few years ago because my life right now is that exciting. Here are a few of my favorite entries of conversations with fellow humans...

Thursday, October 28th, 2004
11:26 am

Aubrey: So, Em. What are you going as for Halloween? What's your costume?
Me: Hooters Girl.
Aubrey: Oh. But you have no chest.
Me: Oh. I know.
Aubrey: Oh, is that the joke?
Me: Yes, Aubrey. That's the joke.

Sunday, October 1st, 2006
9:04 pm

a message my mom left on my voice mail, verbatim

"Emjoy...I'm packing for the Philippines. I'm just calling to let you know, I'm giving my leopard print pants to my cousin, unless you want them. So, call me back, otherwise, I'll give them to my cousin."

Monday, September 27th, 2004
3:39 pm

Jeff: (squinting at me) So...
Me: (squinting back) Yes...?
Jeff: ...What are you exactly?
Me: I'm sorry?
Jeff: Are you, like, Chinese? Or something?
Me: No I'm Filipino.
Jeff: Oh, so you like...you like....HATE the Chinese, huh?
Me: No.
Jeff: Oh, you hate the Japanese, right?
Me: I don't really hate anyone. The Philippines fought with the Japanese in World War Two, but that was awhile ago. And I wasn't really involved.(don't ask me why I was trying to use logical explanation with a man who was drinking Charles Beringer white wine from a Slurpee mug)
Jeff: Oh. So, people say I look Jewish. I'm pretty sure that's why my sponsor hates me...
Me: Well, I don't really see how --
Jeff: I could give you a treeatsie...treatsius...treatus...on the Jews...if you want...
Me: I think we're all a bit tired, Jeff. How about you give us that, eh...how about we save that for another day?