The other night I dreamed that Cate Blanchett would not let me finish braiding her hair. I remember no other details from this dream other than this, which probably means at one point she let me begin braiding her hair and then, due to some sudden revelation of logic, it occurred to her that she shouldn't let this go on, and so I was left with this broken expectation, this moment of dissatisfaction which is what I woke up with.
I'm experiencing vertigo again. Or what feels like vertigo. I've been getting dizzy spells, feeling fainty, needing to sit down in the middle of the sidewalk/driveway/dried foods aisle at Trader Joe's because the world is spinning and I want to pass out. It started right after coming back from vacation.
How can I be stressed out when I'm not doing anything? Why does this fill me with such immense anxiety? According to the internet, it's perfectly normal. But also according to the internet, butterflies taste with their feet and Courtney Cox did not get her boobs done, so now I don't know what to think.
I should probably view this time as a moment to breathe, to recollect after ten weeks of classwork and intensity at school. But this void, this weird feeling of broken expectations is what's causing my insomnia and weird dreams about not being able to finish the hairstyles of the rich and famous.
But now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure the french braid wasn't even very good and I would have wanted to start over anyway.
2 comments:
I know precisely what you mean. I get very stressed when I am "vacationing, or taking a break" from recent active times. I start thinking "oh lord am I getting derailed, is my chance passing me by, am I losing my mojo!!"
I think it helps to realize that everyone in every industry has to have times when they are still. Doing nothing. For balance you know. As long as you are active in your mind. Ready for the next thing when the time is right.
I am feeling stressed about not doing anything as well...
I have a lot of work that could be done to prepare for things in the future...so I am starting to make lists of what to be done & steps that need to be taken to get that task done.
A couple weeks ago I finished an acting as business class - so in order to get as organized & on top of things as I see I could be...there is an overwhelming amount to do...
But in class we were taught about planning/calendars/task lists/goals and how it helps to keep things up-to-date, time planned out for everything, etc..
A lot of work, so I am not doing it quite yet...
but the book "Getting Things Done" was also mentioned as a must-read...So I have started to read that.
Maybe I'll write a blog about it, instead of writing a super-long response to you : )
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